Evolution of the Dating Game

Romance in middle school: Boy passes note to girl in class.

Will you be my girlfriend? Yes No Maybe

Romance in high school: Guy takes girl to prom, calls her house phone, takes her to keg parties on weekends, pages her “143” before bed.

Romance in college: Guy flirts with girl at frat party. Girl gets too drunk and brings guy back to sorority house. Girl spends next day slut shaming self. Guy "friends" girl on Facebook and confidence is restored.

Romance in early 20's: Girl meets guy at local watering hole or place of employment. Girl eventually gives guy number and receives late night booty text. If girl plays game well, guy and girl start dating within the next 3 weeks.

Romance in the late 20's-30's: Nearly impossible.

Match, Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Hinge, okCupid, Plenty of fish, The League... Do I need to continue? We are living in a world in which we cannot function without our smartphones- in a world in which we can open an app and after a few right swipes and a couple sexy messages, we can be on a date or in bed with a man we hardly know. Exhilarating, exciting, and downright frightening.

"Monogamy is not realistic." -Amy Schumer (sort of)

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a cynic and understand that this is not the norm for all late 20- early 30 somethings. I have attended 30 weddings over the past six years and have many happily married friends who are making monogamy work. There is, however, a large portion of my social circle that remains single and sometimes bitter and jaded. The superficial and instant nature of these modern dating apps lend themselves to physical connection without the need for any deep and emotional intimacy. We have become lazy, greedy, and needy in the effort to achieve instant gratification. So how do we take a step back, establish long lasting relationships and restore faith in the sanctity of marriage?

My first big wondering revolved around the importance of sex. My married guy friends were quick to say that blow jobs and boning were the answers to making marriage last. Overall there were common themes among the male and female marital camp: because physical attraction ebbs and flows, the relationship foundation has to be built on more than that. Balance, openness, mutual respect, give and take, and communication were a few of the responses I received. A dear friend from college slept with her husband on the first night they met. Fast forward 10 years and they have a beautiful two year old daughter and almost 5 years of marriage in the books. She summed up the "secret" perfectly, "You trust, you laugh, you take time for each other, you say sorry. And you realize what's important is not the petty shit. It's basically the hardest teamwork you will ever experience."

So maybe it is realistic. While we may not meet our partner as organically as our parents did, us old millennials may be able to make monogamy work- if we focus on teamwork and succumb to the fact that we might just have to find our teammate on the interweb.