Yin for the Win.

I was never an avid gym go-er or a disciplined clean eater. I was 24 before I finally dropped the freshmen15 and my face remained swollen for at least another 2 years beyond that point. In my 20's I occasionally ran outside, ate lots of gluten and drank alcohol in excess. I finally joined a gym with my friend Courtney's coaxing and a few training sessions courtesy of my favorite gay uncle. I think it's safe to say I was not a gym junkie or fitness freak.

In January of 2012, two things happened:
1) I read in an issue of Vogue that Jennifer Aniston owed her perfect arms to her yoga practice and 2) I waited on the owner of the newly opened Newport Power Yoga.
Terry, the owner,  informed me my years of playing soccer and occasional running was jamming my bones together, and yoga would ultimately elongate my legs. An exercise that would make me grow taller?! It was then I decided to find out what all the fuss what about. As a mediocre athlete with limited flexibility, I was highly intimidated entering my first class, but ultimately survived 75 minutes in a 95 degree room. Post savasana, with black eye makeup running down my face and my best friend making fun of me by my side, I decided I would attempt to attend classes regularly (sans mascara).

Fast forward two and a half years later and I am in a cafe right below Newport Power Yoga, having coffee with the incredible Patti D, the Olivia Pope of Rhode Island and owner of Thames Street Yoga. She was in the process of convincing me to register for the 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training as I immediately outlined my hesitations- the expense and the scheduling conflicts with my job as both teacher and student council class advisor. Initially I convinced myself that I should put it off until the next training, when I would have more time and money, but Patti assured me that we would make it work. Her gentle assertion coupled with the support of my parents and persuasive yogi goddess roomie had me signed up to start training in October.

Over the course of six months, 200 hours was spread amongst sporadic weekend intensive trainings and I became fully immersed in the history of yoga, the teachings, postures,  sanskrit, chakras, anatomy, and sutras. Most importantly, I was surrounded by a group of nine remarkable women, each with their own beautiful story to tell, all led and inspired by our beloved teacher Patti and the other teachers and experts she wove in throughout the training.

Tomorrow marks one year since we earned our certificates and became teachers of yoga, and tonight I am feeling ALL the feels. It has been nerve wracking, humbling and gratifying to share this practice with other yogis at two local studios I am so proud to represent. While I can't say that yoga has changed me (I'm not a vegan and I still drink plenty of wine), it has certainly helped me grow. It has taught me to breathe, to let go, to practice non-judgement, nonviolence and gratitude daily. So in the spirit of gratitude... thank you to Buddha and other the gurus that have ever existed, thank you every teacher and student I have practiced with, thank you to everyone in my life who sheds love and light.

And if you have the opportunity, I encourage you to participate in a training even if you never intend to lead a class.  To quote my dear friend Stephanie, "Yoga teacher training should be a life prerequisite." Fingers crossed that by next year I'll have Jen Aniston's arms.

Evolution of the Dating Game

Romance in middle school: Boy passes note to girl in class.

Will you be my girlfriend? Yes No Maybe

Romance in high school: Guy takes girl to prom, calls her house phone, takes her to keg parties on weekends, pages her “143” before bed.

Romance in college: Guy flirts with girl at frat party. Girl gets too drunk and brings guy back to sorority house. Girl spends next day slut shaming self. Guy "friends" girl on Facebook and confidence is restored.

Romance in early 20's: Girl meets guy at local watering hole or place of employment. Girl eventually gives guy number and receives late night booty text. If girl plays game well, guy and girl start dating within the next 3 weeks.

Romance in the late 20's-30's: Nearly impossible.

Match, Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Hinge, okCupid, Plenty of fish, The League... Do I need to continue? We are living in a world in which we cannot function without our smartphones- in a world in which we can open an app and after a few right swipes and a couple sexy messages, we can be on a date or in bed with a man we hardly know. Exhilarating, exciting, and downright frightening.

"Monogamy is not realistic." -Amy Schumer (sort of)

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a cynic and understand that this is not the norm for all late 20- early 30 somethings. I have attended 30 weddings over the past six years and have many happily married friends who are making monogamy work. There is, however, a large portion of my social circle that remains single and sometimes bitter and jaded. The superficial and instant nature of these modern dating apps lend themselves to physical connection without the need for any deep and emotional intimacy. We have become lazy, greedy, and needy in the effort to achieve instant gratification. So how do we take a step back, establish long lasting relationships and restore faith in the sanctity of marriage?

My first big wondering revolved around the importance of sex. My married guy friends were quick to say that blow jobs and boning were the answers to making marriage last. Overall there were common themes among the male and female marital camp: because physical attraction ebbs and flows, the relationship foundation has to be built on more than that. Balance, openness, mutual respect, give and take, and communication were a few of the responses I received. A dear friend from college slept with her husband on the first night they met. Fast forward 10 years and they have a beautiful two year old daughter and almost 5 years of marriage in the books. She summed up the "secret" perfectly, "You trust, you laugh, you take time for each other, you say sorry. And you realize what's important is not the petty shit. It's basically the hardest teamwork you will ever experience."

So maybe it is realistic. While we may not meet our partner as organically as our parents did, us old millennials may be able to make monogamy work- if we focus on teamwork and succumb to the fact that we might just have to find our teammate on the interweb.

Inspiration

March 8, 2016

Today is International Women’s Day, which is without a doubt my favorite #(inter)national______day. Don’t get me wrong, I look forward to National Pizza, Donut, Icecream and Hotdog Days, but it is today that truly knocks me out.

Female relationships have long been important to me- friendships I fostered in elementary and middle school are still intact today, and on a daily basis I make a concerted effort to maintain these female friendships. The idea of “quality over quantity” is pertinent here; I just happen to be lucky enough to have scored both quantity and quality in the girlfriend category. In the recent New York Times article, What Women Find in Friends That They May Not Get From Love, Rebecca Traister states, “As women live more of our adult lives unmarried, we become ourselves not necessarily in tandem with a man or within a traditional family structure, but instead alongside other women: our friends.” I have not yet married and I do not have children, but I balance an emotionally taxing career with tutoring students, teaching yoga, advising high school student council kids and organizing and/or attending social gatherings on a weekly basis. In all facets of my life, I interact with many more women than men. Men are no longer essential to my happiness, they are just added bonuses.

Let me first state for the record: I have always greatly enjoyed the company of men, but I must admit I am grateful my days are primarily spent with women, both young and old.  As I age, and especially since I’ve transcended my 20’s, I have found my relationships with women to be secure, supportive, and filled with love. I am in awe of what happens when women empower other women. In yoga teaching and practice, I see this so often it literally gives me the warm and fuzzies.

I often joke with my friends about becoming a lesbian. My Kinsey scale result is a 3: equally heterosexual and homosexual, but physical evidence suggests my sexual preference is still men. That being said, I LOVE WOMEN. Very few women in recent years have made me feel small or question my self-worth- it is men who have done so. Disclaimer: this is not a forum to bash men- this is all about celebrating women.

Which brings me to the present moment- on this day designated to celebrate our gender, placed in the beginning of the month that recognizes its history, I got to thinking about inspiration and passion. So many women inspire me, in pop culture, in my profession, and in my social circles. I decided to ask some women and men if they have felt inspired by anyone recently, and if so, by whom? I do realize this is a completely arbitrary question, but most people who know me well understand my curious and random musings. Their responses were overwhelmingly positive:

“You. You’ve inspired me to be more of an adult.” -Male

“My mom because she’s not just not afraid of failure… it’s like it never occurs to her that it’s a possibility or would be a problem. She’s fearless in the best way.” -Female

“My mother, and my daughter. There are things that men have done that have made me respect them, but it is always women who inspire me to be a better person.” -Female

“I’ve been inspired by you. I’m going to be more direct, and use less bullshit.” -Male

“With the risk of sounding cheesy… our (female yoga) community! Such great energy!” - Female

“You… for sharing inspiring words, Instagram suggestions, book recommendations and your thoughtful gifts and gestures.” - Female

“My son. He recently faced adversity in such a strong way and without help from anyone, overcame it.” -Male

“Interesting question. My wife. For her patience and perseverance.” -Male

“My dad.” - Two females

What did I glean from these responses?

1. Mothers, daughters, wives, and female friends are all sources of inspiration. No surprise there. I could not agree more.

2. I serve as an inspiration for both men and women! This is both thrilling and humbling.

3. When men were found to be inspiring, it was for being a son or a father. I can speak for the two women who answered with “my dad,” as they happen to be my best friends. Both of their fathers raised three women, have been married to particularly challenging women, and display a profound respect for our gender as a whole. They are cheerleaders for us gals. I am also thrilled to report that my own father fits this description.

So in honor of this international holiday, I want to thank all the female warriors out there who inspire and empower, and thank you to the many men who recognize women as inspiring beings… We promise not to make you obsolete.

“Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.”